An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. --Agatha Christie

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. --Oscar Wilde

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. --Scottish Proverb

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. --Sam Kinison

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. --Anonymous

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd bemarried too. --H. L. Mencken

Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later for another thing, they die earlier. --H. L. Mencken

"A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle." --U2

Marriage is a three ring circus: --engagement ring ---wedding ring ---suffering.

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours That was only for the estimate.

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"

BaddTeddy recently explained to me why he refuses to ever get married. He says "the wedding rings look too much like minature handcuffs....."

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this de! monstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself  , then replied, "My wife's first husband."

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much,fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"

Every man should get married some time;after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!! --Anonymous