The Girl

Single.18.StPatricks.
Smoker.Crazy.Anime.
VidGames.Starbucks.
Lazy.Experimental.
Dreamer.Talker.Bitch.
Skeptic.Writer.Angsty.
More?

Name: Carla Penaglia
Birthday: June 22 1987
Language: English
Nationality: Ital, Spic, Flip (mix)
From: Santiago, Chile
Now: Toronto, Ontario
School: St.Pats
Favourite Colour: Pink
Faith: Roman Catholic
Loves: Adrian
Status: Single
Contact: Baybee_carly@hotmail.com

Currently

Watching: Escaflowne Ep.26
Eating: Nothing
Wearing: Shorts & tank
Drinking: Sprite
Favourites: True Religion, Cell, TNA
Smell: Escada Magnetism & H.G.
Bag: Louis Vuitton, Roots
Shows: OTH,OC, Everwood, Smallville
Listening: Israel Kamamawiwo - Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Loving: Adrian, Nat, D, Sami
Thinking: my V3 never stops ringing
Talking to: Adrian

Favourites

Band: Sublime
Song: Don't Phunk with my Heart
Lollipop: Green Apple, Watermelon
Brand: True Religion, Parasuco
Food: BBQ Chicken Wings
Boy Toy: Adrian
Cigarettes: B&H, DuMaurier
Anime: Escaflowne, Evangelion
Fruit: Strawberries
Animal: Dogs/puppies

Link Me

Layout Credit

07/08/05 - Somewhere Over The Rainbow - 10:06pm

It's funny how something that could ruin everything, needed to be done to save everything. I know I didn't phrase that correctly, but I have no other way of saying it. I realized this when Adrian had messed everything up so badly (I know.. he's not the only one to blame, I have some part in this too) but after breaking so many promises, ruining so many plans, and dashing my surprise for him I've realized that I can't keep pushing him away when things aren't going my way. That I can't keep on taking all my anger out on him, because he can only take so much. I've realized that now, realized it after I thought it was too late for us. This relationship, it's for the longrun, and we both got to make it work, no matter how much our pride can shatter. I know this now, because after all this, we've become closer, and realized our mistakes. Making new promises, new plans and starting out fresh. We've come to the realization we love each other too much to stay apart, or hurt each other anymore.

Nothing can begin to explain the way we feel for each other. In so many ways we're so wrong for each other, but that's just what makes us undeniably perfect for one another. We've pulled through so much worse, so it was natural for us to make it through this rough time (extremely rough time). Anyways, I just wanted to remember a time when him and I had it best, when there was nothing there but the two of us. When other influences came into our life it all changed, and I, in a way regret coming to St.Patricks because of it. But then I realize, I shouldn't. I've made so many valuable friendships there. For Diana, was the only there for me when I was literally breaking down, she took me out and tried to help me out. Sami, the one girl who I feared would steal adrian away soooo long ago, was the one who gave me confidence to stay with him. And finally David, how could I forget him? the one guy who takes care of me when no one else will, the only one who knew I needed cheering up and took me out to party, and the one who always wishes the best for me and Adrian. These are the people that make me happy I came to St.Pats.

Then there were the people I thought were my friends, the ones who unconsiously make Adrian... someone he's not. I don't blame them, really I don't. It's just the way they are, they are great friends to Adrian, the truly are. But, Adrian feels that when he's with them, he's seems to do stupid things that constantly hurt me, so he's severed ties with them. I really wish he wouldn't, I just wish he'd be more aware of the things he does. The last thing I want him to do is lose the people he grew close to, but I can't change his mind. Especially when he said its in our best interest. I love him, so I guess I have to trust him.

Anyways, I better get going, I know this entry had no point, but I just wanted to speak a little on my blog. Till next time. :D

In Love, Carly.

"When you said you can't wait forever to start, you didn't notice it already began when you said you loved me" - Me

06/29/05 - Let Down - 7:47pm

Do you remember a time when you thought you had it best? Do you remember a time which you wish you could live over and over again? ... I do. Right now, I'm so fucked up. I love the only person who brings me pain. I love the only thing that kills me. And I love being destroyed. Am I so messed up, that I can't realize I'm slowly dying? Today is my best friends graduation. Right now, though, I don't think we'll be friends for much longer. I've been crying all day because I'm so messed up. I want to give up so badly.

What did I honestly do to deserve this type of heartache? I love Adrian, so much, I would actually die for him. I've been giving him everything and anything, I've completely devoted myself to him. And, for a short moment, everything was perfect. Everything was where I wanted it to be. Until he constantly fucked up everything. Seeing him just breaks my heart, and all I could do is go back to him. I've finally stopped though, I've asked for a break. I need to know, if I could be better without him.

I've been so depressed for almost four years now. I'm such a failure to everyone, especially Nathalie. I don't expect her to forgive me, but I'm truly sorry for fucking up our friendship. I wish we could go back to a time when everything was better, and I would change everything. Happy Graduation. Anyways, I'm also a failure to my family, I do all these horrible things to myself, hoping to find some sort of happiness, but all I'm really doing is ruining myself. God, I just hope I could die. I can never find any happiness, and all I do is hurt people. I'm so fucken useless, my mom should've had an abortion. It would save everyone some grief.

Carla

"I can't save myself with drugs, but I can for moments, kill the pain life causes" - Me

06/25/05 - Broken - 7:29am

Fuck, I'm still on a trip and a half... one candy is too much :S I haven't slept yet, and I haven't been feeling well. Life has been shit and it only can get shittier. Fuck. I don't even know what to write...why am I so fucked up? I'm trembling and I can't even relax. This will be one to remember.

Have you ever had one of those days you wish you could live over? ... this is the day (well Friday and Saturday feels like an extremely long day) I think I'm slowly killing myself with these pills... I don't even know why I care? lol. I'm buying more for Dianas Debut. I'll take my last one later today... I need the fix bad.

Delirious,
Carla

"These marks, they're there to remind me I'm still alive, and there is still a portion of pain I can control." - Me

06/24/05 - Broken - 1:27pm

Today's my mom's b-day. Have a good one mom! Anyways. Today was a fucking crap day, I broke up with Adrian permanently. We've broken up many times, but today was a sure thing. I don't want to see him after Dianas debut, and I don't want to have anything to do with him, we're through. We both realized this, so I guess I shouldn't be crying. Whatever, supposedly I've been treating him like shit but I've been the one crying over this relationship constantly. Another thing, when we broke up for just one day, he was 'supposedly' hurting so much that he had to go a make me extremely jealous and hurt. What a fucken asshole, I hope he rots in hell.

I honestly don't love him anymore, I'm actually starting to hate him. AND i hope he reads this, because when I seem to tell him personally, he bastardizes my whole conversation and makes me out to be the bad guy. Well fuck you buddy, if you want me to be the one who screwed this relationship up, fine, believe it, I don't give a fuck about you anymore. Another thing, for the first time he actually man handled me, he grabbed onto my shirt, twisting my shirt, Andrew stopped him from doing anything ... and I got a couple of hits on him. I swear to god, he's changed, I still love the old him, but he won't be coming back anytime soon, so I'll just move on. Anyways that was the first time he ever laid a hand on me, his mind is not in a right place right now, and I don't need to be around him right now. He'll just bring me down further. Hopefully my life will get better and more financially stable without him around draining me like I'm a bank account. Yeah... I'm bashing him online, it's pathetic. But I'm not doing it for you people to read, I'm doing it to vent my emotions. So I didn't make you guys read it :P So whatever, anyways I gotta go and pick me up some candy from an old friend.

love you,
Carly

"I wish I could take all the tears you made me cry and fucking drown you with them"

06/21/05 - Tired - 6:46pm

It's been an extremely long day. I need some sleep =/ lolz. I had my Media Studies exam today, it's so much work, Jesus Christ, a lot of writing was involved :S. Anywho my birthday is tomorrow and I'm extremely happy. I finally made my msn 'space' complete with pics, blog, profile and lists. Aren't I nifty? lolz. Now I'm just updating this blog because... well because I have nothing else to do, so just be happy I've decided to write. lol. K I don't have anything else to say so I'm going to go. Bye now.

love ya,
Carly

"I wish you were here to see all the pain you caused me, then you'd see how pure my love for you is" -Me

06/19/05 - Burnt Out - 5:01pm

Ugh... I'm so burnt out, I'm really tired and I need some caffeine :S lolz. I missed my math exam, meaning I'll have to take summer school -_- fuck, that really sucks. I wanted to work this summer to get some extra cash, oh wellz. Anyways today was very uneventful, I wasn't allowed into the school, because once exams start you can't go roaming around the halls. So I was just chilling in the alley. Hmmm... my birthday is is 2 DAYS :) YAY!, lolz. Almost 18, almost legal! lol. My friends wanna take me to a sushi bar then to a strip bar, lolz. Such hoochies, jkjk. But yeah, I still dunno how I wanna spend my birthday. Okies, I"m too tired to write anything anymore, so yeah ... byebye

luv,
Carly

"You only love him because you fear that he just might be the only one that will ever love you."

06/19/05 - Bubbly - 2:54pm

Hey! it's been an extremely long time since I last updated. Sorry, I've been busy with school work and all ._. but I'll try to be more dedicated to this site. lol. Anyways my birthday is coming up in 3 days! *Screams Happily* I'll finally be 18 w00t! lol. Anyways so far, I've gotten a V3 Razr and a shopping spree for clothes from my mom. My bro (since I lost my PS2 and since I LOOOVE RPG's from the psOne) he bought my a modded psOne with 150 games, most of them rpgs :D. My dad... well we haven't been on speaking terms so I don't think I'm getting a gift from him this year (who cares though! lol) My grandma is supposed to bring me back another louis vuitton purse when she returns from her vacation and finally my boyfriend (Adrian) will give me something on the day of. 'Cept he won't tell me specifically =/ whatever though. I love anything he gives me :D he's the best! lol.

Anyways, exams are coming up, and I think I'm doing horribly bad at school :( hopefully I'll pass all my classes *crosses fingers* pray for me guys, I need it badly. lolz. Anywho. One of my gurlz, D, (Diana) is having her 'Debut'.. all you filipinos know what I'm talking about, but for those who don't, let me explain. It's basically like a sweet sixteen except more extravagent, costs can range to thousands of dollars, almost as much as a wedding and this is basically a party for her 18th birthday, and in a more formal way, it's a party to show who she is, that she's now a "woman" and will be in the social scene. lol. I know ... I would've had one, but I thought it was a waste of money. BUT Diana's rich, so that doesn't matter :P lol. Anyways I'm part of her 'cotillion' and that's basically the guests of honours and we will be presented when she is being presented. cool, eh? yeah I know :P lolz. Can't wait... but now I have to go and practice the dances with the rest of the gurlz. Bye.

Luv ya,
Carly

"I carved your name upon this bullet, so you would know that you were the last thing on my mind" -???