'Interstellar' Alan Meteor-Storm Guitar & Vocals Little is known of the early years of Alan Meteor-Storm, except his coming to prominence during the left bank situationist riots in Paris in 1968. Terrified of the brutality, he shaved his head, and moved to Leeds to live as a coffee table In 1971 the fledgling Meteor-Storm met Marc Bolan, and bullied the great man into giving him a job as a roadie. This lasted all of four hours, until Meteor-Storm was discovered urinating into Mr Bolan's top hat (the very one worn on the cover of 'The Slider') after being taken short in the dressing room. He promptly proceeded to employ his knowledge of explosives, and blow up the offending dressing room, and demolish two thirds of the venue (which has since been taken over as a church by latter day Larry Graysonists) Fleeing to the house of friend and confidante "Balls" Mal, he was taught that, by wearing platform shoes he could change a light bulb with very little effort, thus prompting a lifetime dressing in sparkles, spangles and lurex Not to be put off by his earlier encounter with the rockin' elf, Meteor-Storm stole a guitar and began to emulate his hero's style of playing (though not of singing, coz that would be silly) Alan Meteor-Storm's musical apprenticeship was forged with such luminaries as 'Martin Anchovy', The Castle of Git', 'The Fence Barons' and 'Bloat', finally settling with Lipstick Torpedo in the early nineties. Now well on the way to sixty, he retains his youthful looks by applying cheese to his forehead, and bathing in otter's spit. Meteor-Storm is an expert at strenuously avoiding competetive sports, except for onanism for which he holds the North Hertfordshire record of 9 "onans" in one 24 hour period. Alan Stardust Bass & Vocals It is said that Stardust is the baby of the band, although nobody knows his real age. He was found cowering in a shed after the legendary bombing of Alan Galaxy's garden in 1996. Still convinced it was 1973, Stardust crawled from the charred wreckage demanding to know if Charlie George had scored a goal that week. Stardust's 'theory of navigation' has gone down in history, as nobody previously could grasp the concept of going in the opposite direction to that which you should be heading, and basing a career on it Fondly known on Saturdays as 'the fat fucker', Stardust remains true to his football roots, and thus also remains an outcast from the rest of the band, who firmly maintain that football is the domain of nineties boys and not seventies wannabe rock stars Alan Stardust brings his mum to gigs, and insists that "17 pints is nothing, wait till the real drinking starts". His previous bands include 'Poisoned Milk', 'Plump Jockey' and 'Vulcan Crest'. He normally has no idea where he is, and frequently turns up at gigs having left himself behind. Stardust is currently 90% bewildered and is the proud owner of a magic potato. Alan Galaxy Drums & Vocals Very few people have been privileged enough to know the real Alan Galaxy. Legend has it that he learned to play drums in a biscuit factory under the tuition of Humpty 'Footprint' Hudscuttle, whom, upon leaving the Bourbon Line, was instantly incarcerated in an institution for McVities terrorists. On finding his mentor missing, Galaxy absconded, and was later found standing in as one of RickWakeman's coat hangers. In the mid nineties he bought himself an overgrown plot of land in North London, and, on learning of Alan Meteor-Storm's incendiary skills, decided to employ him to blow up the garden to see if there were anything within worth salvaging (thus leading to the discovery of a chubby bass player) These days Galaxy resides in an upturned bucket in the corner of an Essex field, playing pro-celebrity internet with himself, and eating fried children. It has been rumoured that he once drummed for Wib Diblin, but this has never been confirmed. Alan Galaxy claims that he is the "God of Perspex and Cormorants", and hopes to make his fortune by opening a fidgeting sanctuary. He lives mostly on chutney, and is regularly found "hanging out" with an enormous pair of plastic sandals which he refers to as Nigel. Galaxy is the proud owner of a degree in pedantry and if you present him with a misplaced apostrophe, he is liable to tear off your arm and feed it to the Panda's........AAAAaaaagh